Daily Terminus

Final Tally for Today: 26,571. Target Number for the 19th: 31,673.

I’m 5,102 words behind today. By tomorrow, it will be 6,769. If I push through the day, I should manage another @5K, and if I stay up for a couple of hours after bed, or put in another 5K day on Friday, I’ll be caught up for the first time this month. It can be done.

I’d like to stay up and do some more writing tonight. I’m sorely tempted to. However, I think I’m going to go cuddle with my wife for a bit. Probably won’t come out again until dawn, unless sleep eludes me. There’s always tomorrow, unless I die in the night.

If I do, maybe someone else can finish the book for me. They can give it a happy ending. The one I’ve had planned doesn’t turn out so nice. It’s a story of redemption, but it’s also a story of consequences, and of cruel fate. Don’t let the sexy chapters fool you. This isn’t pornograpy. It’s pain.

Lee.

Another Update

4,959 words so far today. Getting very close to the grand finale. However, it’s time to make dinner. Hopefully I’ll get back to it tonight. I’m starting to get eager to see how I’m going to pull this off. It’s so charged, I can hardly believe it.

Lee.

Status

1,869 words so far this afternoon. Still not to the sex part. Still going.

Lee.

Daily Dose: Terminal Conditions

Dawn’s gone to work. I’m listening to Anthony Phillips again. Book to write. Portfolios to organize. Job hunting?

Word count stands at 21,613. As of today, it should be 31,673. 10,060 words. You know, the funny thing is, on a good day, I can do that. Wouldn’t that be something?

Chapter 14 may be the longest chapter in the book. I think it’s because I’m stalling on writing the sex scene. I haven’t decided just how it’s going to go. There are complications.

NSFW; will put behind tag

And I’m trying to decide how graphic to be. I’m not actually intent on writing pornography here, but it is a sex scene, and it involves four people (three women–one lesbian, two bi–and one bi male. Dammit, I’m writing lesbian sex again. How in the world do I keep letting myself do that? I’m going to get a reputation). Kind of hard to avoid a porn tag unless I flinch and write around it, which might be the smart move, but it would be cheap; especially given that there is important dialogue that needs to happen there, and it’s the preamble to the day after, where everything changes (again).

Plus, really, it’s the sex chapter. I don’t think every book needs to have one, but when there’s a lot of sexual tension in the book, sooner or later, you have to have the sex scene, no matter how carefully you write it. Sex matters. It’s real. It’s just our puritanical society that makes us feel uncomfortable owning our sex. Only deviants admit freely that they are a Dionysian amongst the self-proclaimed Apollonians; both sides pointing to the other, proclaiming them unhealthy. It’s an unhealthy divide. Acceptance and understanding are needed. I accept that not all people are sexually driven. Is it too much to hope that I be accepted as well?

Anyway, once again, sex. And I’m not convinced I should drop it entirely. If there was nothing to the scene but sex, I might take a shortcut. However, there’s plot in there, believe it or not. So I get to write another decadent sex ritual.

The funny thing is, when I read fiction where sex has been written in, half of the time I kind of gloss over the sex unless I feel it’s in an appropriate place, and only then if it’s written fairly honestly. I don’t go in for purple prose during sex. I don’t read bodice rippers. Burgeoning loins and heaving breasts and all the rest have no place in my repertoire.

I use foul language. I use both c-words, though sparingly with the fair sex, and usually only in dialogue/inner monologue. I got over the stage where I felt the need to write the words bravely. Now they just fit, like any other word. I truly am a decadent, unrefined old man. I choose my words pretty carefully, but I use them when they’re called for. For some, it’s probably too much. I know there was a time when it would have been too much for me. I’m older now. Corrupt. Insensitive.

The other funny thing is, if you ask anyone who knows me in person, they’ll tell you I’m a pretty mild mannered guy. The meds have helped, but I was always a pretty quiet little mouse of a man, when I wasn’t on a manic spree. I understand the Apollonian/Dionysian split, because I lived it internally for years. I started to break out in my twenties, but I didn’t really get comfortable with my sexuality until I hit my thirties, where paradoxically I’ve been relatively slow on that front. The meds, my age and the lack of exercise are all conspiring to make me far less active than you would think from my writing.

Perhaps I’m sublimating. Perhaps I’ve internalized my passions, repressed them inspite of my self-awareness. Perhaps I’m just a hypocrite who preaches liberation but fears it all the same. Perhaps I’m hoping to inspire others to bring in a new age of acceptance, so I can crawl out from under my rock without fear of being stoned to death. The big-talking coward.

I’d ask you what you think I should do, but really, it’s not your job to write the book for me. It’s a question I have to answer for myself, and learn to live with what it says about me and my politics.

Funny thing the third: I’ve never actually seen two women make love in person, and most of what you see in pornography is ridiculous and highly fabricated. When I put two women together as lovers, I very often write them as if they were simply female versions of myself, and let their personalities dictate how strongly they react to the attention.

My kinks and hangups come out pretty quickly when I make myself write sex scenes. I’ve never written bondage or SM; I’ve always been squeamish about the more hardcore sex acts. Anything involving pain makes me nervous. I don’t even write gay/anal sex scenes, not because I don’t think anal can be enjoyable for the experienced, but because frankly I know it’s physically and mentally uncomfortable for a lot of people.

Plus, really, I think it would be dishonest of me. I can write women giving each other head or stroking or fingering or playing with toys, because I’ve done all of those things myself, some many times (not so much toys, and not in a while). I kind of know how they work. I’ve only very occasionally had anal sex, and almost never with men, so what would I know? I’d hate to write something about anal sex that some 14 year old would read and take with him or her as gospel until they try it themselves and discover it doesn’t work that way at all.

Hmmn. This turned into a NSFW/TMI sex post. Wasn’t planning on that. Guess I’ll just open the floor and let someone else talk about it for a while. I’m gonna go get my head into the right shape for writing.

Lee.

Update

Another 2220 words. Today’s total: 5,686. I’m thinking I’ll get back to it later tonight, but it’s well passed time I got to work making dinner.

Lee.

State of the Author

3,461 words so far today, not including edits I made earlier in the chapter. 11,647 words in chapter 14 so far, and I’m still not done. Part Two of Terminal Monday is now at 19,386 words total. I’m still 10,620 words behind schedule. I may have to spend a couple of nights closing the gap. I keep saying that, but so far, I’ve only done one late night, and I’m still on chapter 14 after almost a week. I should go back and see what my last empty promise was.

Back to work. I have other things that should be getting done, but I haven’t been able to tear myself away since I started. Very talky chapter. Everyone’s described their novels at this point, including Richard, which I hadn’t really planned on doing. I borrowed the plot of Oracle/Infinite Redress to do that, but it seemed appropriate. Oh yeah, and that research I was doing? Whatever. BS wins again.

Lee.

Daily Dose: Under the Wire

Figured I’d get this one in quick, before LJ goes down for the server transfer.

I woke up early today. Not back pain issues. Just couldn’t sleep any more.

Started working on the book again. Slow going at the start. Had to edit my way back in again. This is the naughty chapter. I’m having to figure out just how to write the last part of the chapter. There’s sex involved.

Have to job hunt and work on my portfolio today. Also have to finish the laundry, and maybe go buy some pomegranates. Dawn has discovered that she likes them. A lot.

Okay, enough. Have a good day, and stay warm.

Lee.

Overdose: The To Do List

I almost forgot that I had to buy catfood today. This is an errand that takes me to two different stores across town from one another, so I tried to work that in with my other errands, with middling success. The food is bought, but the time it took to get it all has pretty much eaten up my day, and I still have to clean the kitchen, do the dishes and laundry, make dinner and go get a CT scan.

My mother called to ask how I’m doing, and I told her frankly that I’m tired and busy. Short conversation, to say the least. I try not to be short with my mom, but today’s just not a good day.

I also forgot to buy Dawn a scrubby for the shower, so I went back out and picked that up. I also figured I needed a small bottle of cola, which ended up costing more than a large bottle at the grocery store. Never again.

That’s all I’ve got. Back to work.

Lee.

Daily Dose: Just Another Manic Monday

Okay, so the kitchen needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be done, I need to take my library books back, I need to drop off a disc of music (which I haven’t burned yet) to my uncle as a belated birthday present, I need to go pick up my medication (some of which I’ve been out of for days), I haven’t taken the time to prepare my portfolio(s), and I need to find a job, pretty much immediately. I also have a Christmas card to finish designing and to draw and colour, and last but not least, I am still almost 13K behind on this year’s installment of my current novel. I have a house-bound cat who is getting stir crazy and demanding attention and permission to go out, and my mood is rapidly flying south for the winter. I’ll need to have that kitchen cleaned before I have to make dinner tonight, and of course, I have a CT scan appointment at 9:15 PM for my back, which has been settling down a bit since I’ve been taking 500mg of naproxin twice a day.

All I want to do is get my head in the right frame of mind for writing, but with everything that needs to be done and the fact that I’m being reminded that I haven’t been job hunting lately (which usually puts me in a poor frame of mind for much of anything, let alone writing), I can guarantee you that I’m going to owe at least 15K before I get a chance to sit down and write again. Technically, I can get that done in two or three days… maybe four with the daily additions. But I haven’t been cranking out 5K consistently this month, and I’m a few chapters behind now, so I’m starting to wonder, even with an increased word count quota, if I’m really going to get this book finished this year.

Quite suddenly, I wish I were locked in a cabin somewhere where there was too much snow and the phone lines were down, with just enough food to last me the rest of the month. I don’t usually fantasize about such things, because I’m not that much into solitude. But just today, I really want to be left alone. Sadly, that’s not going to happen. The library just called for their overdue books. The day awaits.

Have a good one. Really. I know I don’t sound like I mean it, but I do.

Lee.

Slight Update

No further progress was made last night. After I made dinner, my wife and I settled down to watch some Sherlock Holmes, and by the time that was over, I was exhausted and ready for bed. Vampire stories always make me feel uncomfortable.

Today, there is talk of doing something for my youngest uncle’s 60th birthday. I am preparing him a country music collection of an artist he is apparently fond of. I have only my mother’s word to go on that this is so. However, she was also trying to persuade me to leave my den to go up and join them for a brief celebration. Apparently most of the family buggered off and will not be attending. Poor planning on everyone’s part. I have to get some work done today, but I am thinking that I may have to put in an appearance. I may go alone, to spare Dawn the travel through the rain on her day off.

I refuse to speculate how much writing will get done today. The chapter remains unfinished. That means I now have to turn out 17 chapters in 15 days. Bit of pressure there, particularly since some of those chapters are very much unformed notions with little plot outline to guide me.

Okay, enough blather. Enjoy your day. Stay dry and warm. Drink tea or cocoa. I’m planning on both, myself.

Lee.